ponedeljek, 15. julij 2019

people pretend you are a bad person so they don't feel guilty for the things they did to you.

ponedeljek, 15. julij 2019

people pretend you are a bad person so they don't feel guilty for the things they did to you.


I am a total textbook person and you won't need any manuals with me to figure out what I think and how I feel and what I want because I will tell you and I will show you. You will get a very clear notice. That is a very cool thing feature I have, I think. I live a simple life and I can't stand drama. If you do me wrong I will let you know and I will try my best to fix the situation and there are not many bad things in the world you could do to make me hate you for real. But if someone wants to deliberately hurt me, that stuff hurts me the most. I can deal with accidents and mistakes, but don't hurt me on purpose.

Because I have too much dignity to hurt people back. It can't be done, it doesn't feel right and I don't have it in me. On the other hand I have no problem of removing anyone from my life. I will lose your number and block you from all social media. I call it 'cleansing'. It is hard for a second, to click on that button. It is hard to delete what I cared about so much for so long. But once I do it, I don't feel sad anymore. Because if I do that, this is it. I don't want you in my life anymore. And I won't create fake profiles to stalk you. I won't have the need to. Sometimes I think to myself that it is cold and that I can't feel as much as others, but I quickly realise how awesome it is to be loved by me (and I mean friendships more than relationships) because man, I love big.


Once you are out of my life, I am pretty sure there is no way back in. And no sneaky business will help you here. You can pretend I am a bad person all you want, if that will help you feel less guilty for the things you've done, I don't mind. But just know I have you all figured out. And you can cause all the drama and I won't move a muscle. Because like I said. Once you are out, you are out for real. But just know that what you decide to do, you are always doing it to yourself. If you are doing bad things to hurt others, you are actually going to end up hurt. And if you do good things, it is good for the soul at least. If that makes sense.

That is why it is so important that you loose all the negativity and live as simple as you can. It is good for the soul. I know for sure most of the toxic people from my life are long gone and ever since I felt my true self.
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sreda, 05. junij 2019

I don't call myself a feminist.

sreda, 05. junij 2019

I don't call myself a feminist.

I don't call myself a feminist, because most men and women will think I am one of those crazy girls they saw on the news once, screaming things that don't even make sense. But I am a strong believer that both males and females (and others) should be treated fairly equal. See, I am not asking for girls to be able to do things most men are good at if they aren't good at them. I am not asking for you to say "men should experience pregnancies and periods". That is absurd. I am just asking and believing that both genders can understand one another, and then in response be equal.

It saddens me that a lot of people don't understand or even try to understand the opposite sex. We all have it hard and easy. We take sides and defend ourselves. Girls expecting guys to ask them out first, to text them first, they want them to have a lot of money, a nice car and to treat them like princesses without doing that in return. On top of that, they take pride if a man calls them hard to control, hard to deal with. And men, looking for a type like "cute, but psychopath". That scares me. Because my mom taught me to treat a man with respect and seek for that respect everywhere I go. I don't want to raise all seven hells for somebody I love because I am a psychopath.

We had to write a paper on our ideal boyfriend/girlfriend. They even said "don't leave out any details, write about the height, hair, eyes, clothes, characteristics... The more details, the better." And I sat in front of my computer and wondered what on earth is my ideal guy. All I could write was:

"I want someone, who will be able to talk things through with me when we disagree and will want to spend time with me. BONUS points: it helps if he considers me as the best person in the world and sends me memes, but no pressure."

When we had to read that, it felt like everyone wrote car ads. Let's just say that the teacher didn't appreciate my almost empty paper, which is absurd if you ask me. But I don't think my dream guy should have a head full of curls, brown eyes or wear certain clothes. I am just looking for someone I will enjoy spending time with and they will enjoy spending time with me. And I get particularly sick when girls wrote that they are looking for a rich guy. It is a joke. If you want money, earn it. If you want a nice house or a nice car, get it yourself. I am not done, the number one thing guys wrote was skinny. Please. I get that you have to be visually attracted to someone, but number one thing - skinny?!

Maybe it is just me, but do people have weird priorities. Imagine what would happen if boys wrote that same paper with the same words girls chose to describe them and girls wrote "skinny" and "cute phycho". Everyone would be offended.

The one thing I wanted to talk about is being equal. Equal work, equal paycheck. Female judges, Male chefs. The worst thing you could do is bring somebody down based on gender. Think!

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torek, 14. maj 2019

I'm a fan of your UNIVERSE

torek, 14. maj 2019

I'm a fan of your UNIVERSE







I think having two so different dog breeds that are also so different in character is so great. Sometimes I think they do everything the opposite on purpose just to show me how different they are. When me and Nejc talk about future dogs we will own. My first thought is always more Tollers, but somehow I can't imagine a life without Boxers as well. Together they are perfect and I wouldn't change them at all.

Having them is my biggest blessing and no words will ever explain how lucky I am to be trusted with each one of them. The fact that they are true loving and caring siblings is all I ever wanted.
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torek, 07. maj 2019

Now my life is sweet like cinnamon

torek, 07. maj 2019

Now my life is sweet like cinnamon

Pick me up and take me like a vitamin.


I'm gonna love you with all I've got. Even if it kills me, you're the one I want.

Forever embraced.

And if I am going down, I am going with a bang.

Ten thousand promises, ten thousand ways to lose.

But you like me for it.

The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, you said I will stand by you.

I tell you what you wanna hear. And I never wanna live in fear.

I got you figured out.

And I know I'll never be your chosen one.

You can't tempt me if I don't see the day.

Better not to breathe than to breathe the lie.

But oh, my heart was flawed and I knew my weakness.

The worst is that I don't even remember it all. Remember that I love you.

Oh so, your wounds they show.

Beg me now for anything.

For one more day.

And I will look up and call to the sky. Look up and never ask why.

You got eyes so azure. Quiet in jet black.

And I let go but jump back in.

Nobody knows who I am. They just think they do. But I am made of stars and dust and you.

With your big eyes and your big lies.

To my surprise my love's demise.

It's amazing what women in love will do.

When the night was full of terror and my eyes were filled with tears.

I had all and the most of you, some and now none of you.


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ponedeljek, 06. maj 2019

Come and get your love

ponedeljek, 06. maj 2019

Come and get your love

Got the question a few weeks ago to describe my perfect guy. And I'll admit, I thought about it. A lot. I think too much sometimes, it's not good for me. But I don't usually like to think about girly things. I like to play video games, watch movies and spend time with dogs and take photos. 

But for starters, I don't like perfect things and I am 99 % sure there is no such thing as a perfect human, I guess I will try to explain what I look for in a guy. 


Must love dogs: That is the number one thing I look for in people. Because I spend such a considerable amounts of my time with dogs and I don't intend to limit that time. I think I always got lucky when it comes to others loving my dogs. The two rockets are hard not to love. 

Must be funny: Honestly, it is weird to say this out loud but I never looked for anyone skinny or fit or anything specific. My friends are always like I want someone with brown eyes and a hot body and taller. If anything I prefer the other way around - I really like 'different' and I always get my eyes on someone unusual. But I love people that are funny. I am really kinda shy when I first get thrown into situations and I like someone to make me laugh because then I can relax easier. And show my true creepy self. I live for laughs honestly. The biggest flaw I think I have is I never take anything seriously. 

Must watch and play everything I command him to: DC, Marvel, HIMYM, GIRLS, Narcos, Inception, A Long Ways Down, Need For Speed, horror movies, Call of Duty, Game of Thrones, Killing Eve and many more. Because that is what I am talking about 50 % of the time. The other 50 % is about Thor and Orca.

As girly as this is going to sound, he must be adventurous: I love walks and hikes, I love road trips, I like deciding in a spare of the moment to do something or go somewhere and I don't like it if anyone is pushing me down when it comes to being crazy. 

I think those are the only 4 things that I will even think of. I am sorry I am not girly enough to keep a database of guys and their features. But I think the problem about this whole 'ideal boyfriend' thingy is that I don't necessarily look for somebody who would fit the 4 things described.

My ideal human is someone who will fit. Who will be my best friend and will be able to even handle me, because sometimes I can't even handle myself. I got lucky. But I want someone who will sing with me to car radio and will carry me when I am tired and dying , tag me to memes and will listen to me complaining about my pain and will think I am the best person in the world. Someone who will go to hospital appointments with me lmao khm, that is my number one wish. And watch LPD with me every Friday and drink wine on a porch and gossip about neighbourhood dog owners. Like I just want someone cool. Not perfect; someone independent that will still have his own life but will never forget that home is a place to come back to because I am there. And Thor and Orca. 

But I am pretty sure anyone who wouldn't return me to my mom after a 24-hour trial would qualify. Thank god I am so lucky!


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sreda, 17. april 2019

CORNERSTONES

sreda, 17. april 2019

CORNERSTONES


All I wanted to do - I did. Did you?
I mentioned this before but I define the term absofuckinglutely.
When I was younger I used to play this game called Cap Ou Pas Cap with two other people and we took it really serious. Whenever somebody would chicken out from something the other one would dare them to do it and there was no other option but to do it or the game was forever off. It is how I broke my nose in front of 50 people and how I had the best night of my life and kissed boys I would never dare to kiss. I became the it 'fuck it' girl and did the craziest things because of a simple game. You are either Cap or Pas Cap. And I am Cap. That always stayed with me.
The greatest thing is that it possesses you and you become competitive and you keep looking at ways to dare to do things you would never actually dare to do. But as much as I always talk about this child's game, I would not recommend it to young people to play, just putting a disclaimer out there. Don't be like me boys and girls, you will either end up with a broken nose or a broken heart (oh man, that sounds so poetic).
When the dog gang was formed I was always there. I would sleep for an hour and then go and whenever anyone was missing, I was there. I would never say no and I would be freezing cold, dead tired, but I was always ready. That is me, never ever missing out on adventure or friends or crazy things we did.
That is really great, but I never built any stable cornerstones for myself and there was never one certain thing for me to go back to. I guess you could say I always knew I wanted to live like that. Never knew where I will be tomorrow or what the future brings. And it is funny because I always carry with me a beige notebook that has everything planed out for me, even for 20 years in advance and I like to look at it as a reminder of how crazy it all is because nothing is going according to my plans.

But if stable life is the price for the fact that I did everything I wanted, I don't mind.
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torek, 02. april 2019

Good girl, hood playlist

torek, 02. april 2019

Good girl, hood playlist


Salty hair and sandy ass in April. My life keeps changing drastically.

I've been dealing with evening pain for a few months, again, now that I am off the main meds and let me tell you - I've been miserable. The worst thing is that I talk to people with a straight face and tears would stream down my face without me actually crying. It is hard to explain why. But imagine plucking your nose hair out and a tear just streams down you face. That is me for the last few weeks. 

It has been hard, I am not gonna lie. But I think it is rewarding if it means I get to live life like normal people. And maybe one day have kids. NOT NOW MOM! Maybe one day when someone will want to make me their wife. NOT THAT I HAVE TO BE MARRIED MOM!

There is plenty of time for me to go down with this disease in the distance future, but not now. I even started living healthy. No white flour and no milk. I actually like it despite the fact that I love food and I don't want to miss out on any food ever, but it at least makes me feel a little better about the fact that I am doing something for myself. I am adding longer walks or rollerblading to Izola to my daily routine, now that Orca is not a little baby anymore and she can actually walk. 


I kinda got lost a little and just today I realised that I am such a basic good girl, but with a hood playlist. When I was walking my usual walk to FHŠ (my Uni) I saw a homeless man, who was minding his own business and was not rude at all and I was just about to pass him by when this old grandpa showed from no where and started harassing him and I told myself ''Evs, you got yourself into enough shit with this random stunts, walk it off, let it go...'' and you guessed it - I didn't walk it off. I swear I am such a good girl, but somewhere inside me there is a bad bitch hiding to come out for moments like that. And I know how this sounds, trust me, not my proudest moment but I went psycho on a 70 year old grandpa. If there is something I really can't stand is others being rude and seeing injustice. I am too old (soul haha - get it? Cuz I am a 22 year old with a disease for old people) for this.


Now as promised I am giving you my hood playlist. Actually its not even hood, it's just what I've been listening lately. That's why you are here, right?
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