torek, 18. marec 2014

BAD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

BAD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.
Right from the PAST and up to the PRESENT, they are MISUNDERSTOOD and even being HATED. They are LOST, ALONE. They LOSE people they care about. They are HURT, SCARED. They are ON THE RUN, but the worst thing that can happen to good people is losing THEMSELVES. But if youre going through hell, KEEP GOING.
This blog is based on stories.
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"I'm fine, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant overwhelming crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen."
I was thinking about it quite a lot, and all I could think of was that poor man needs help, and he needs it now. And nobody helped that poor boy. How do you help people, if you're not able to even pull yourself together that much to feel anything good for yourself. I think that everyone is sad sometimes, but if youre able to help, just a little, there shuldnt be anything stoppppping you.
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I asked once this girl how is she.. and she looked at me with that fake smile and said
"physically or emotionally?"
And I started wondering.. Is there anyone. But theres no one here. Nobody cares. Nobody cares if you drive expensive cars, if youre wearing designer clothes, if you are a very nice person, very caring, smart. NOBODY CARES.
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I have been through breakups, they can be bad, especially if youre in a very unhappy relationship. I broke up with that one very sad boy and he said to me:
"well lucky for me, cuz' I dont have anyone. Please you cant do this to me, please!"
How do you react to such sad words? What do you actually do? I always thought I was strong, a little bit hearless when it comes to that, because I make myself heartless, I decide not to care, but then in the night I cant sleep, not because I think about him, but because I cant and dont want to understand that life can be so sad for someone. Because of that I blog, I cant sleep, when I can sleep I have nightmares, I panic, I watch Effy, I am sad for no reason, I am mad all the time..
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When I was in the hospital, I had this one thing in my head. It was why me? I need to run, as soon as there is going to be a chance I will run and never stop. I will always be running. They kept asking me how I feel and I always said okay, but how do you lose that feeling of darkness in your head, that fear of events, days, people, night, doors, loosing, death... I guess I was lucky to survive, at least they said that to me. But all I could felt was I cant live like this. Everyone is always talking how to be brave, to not let the water in, that its about survival, but nobody ever explain it to you how to forget and forgive. I cant forget, neither forgive. I cant, its not possible. YES, there is a day that I cant feel it and I cant even remember it, but after all this time, I still think about it too much, trying to remember the blur, trying to forgive, but its not possible. How is that possible, to forget something. There is no hope for me, I will never stop trying to escape from here, because thats is my only chance to start again, to delete my memory in my head about that sad boy.
This girl onced said to me (trying to be mean) BE CAREFUL, YOU DONT WANT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL AGAIN, RIGHT haha? I dont hate her, but I am not a big fan of hers, but I would never wish that would happen to her, never. This isn's funny at all.
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I thought this was going to be a happy post for today, I planed it happy, but I cant stop thinking about it. I hope youre not in a bad mood now, because remember
IF YOURE GOING THROUGH HELL, KEEP GOING!
if you want me to write more, tell me.

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