nedelja, 27. julij 2014


Sometimes I wonder if everyone feel sad sometimes for no reason. If I could describe the feeling I'd say that you feel like you are missing someone, but don't know who or you have this feeling that something has been taken away from you, and yet you can't figure out what. I had troubles with that for some time now. I honestly couldn't fall asleep feeling happy. I was always sad in the nights and evenings, trying to figure out why. But I couldn't figure it out for myself. So what did I do, you ask. I googled it. And all I could read was "You Are Depressed" and "Sounds like depression". But I had depression some time ago, I know how it is like with me. I know exactly that this could not be it. I know that this is something else. I feel like this has something to do with the fact that I am not doing what I usually do, or I am not proud of my work. Maybe I even lost that thing that was pushing me to do stuff I enjoy doing.

I don't have that big inspiration that I used to had. I am a huge How I Met Your Mother fan. Me and Jan are having the big marathon just this week and some stuff that Ted said really made me think a lot. 

Maybe I am in that state. Maybe I believe less in acting, in friends, in family and that stuff.  And the problem is that, as Ted, I am also the one who dreams the hardest. The one optimistic kid that always inspire others. And because I am not doing what I planed to do this vacations, I am basically a wreck. 

You know I planed all this stuff I am going to film, all this places I am going to see, the big blogging projects I will do.. And I didn't do anything as I planed. It feels like I am having a block in my head. 

Anja always inspired me to do crazy awesome stuff, and now that I don't get to see her, everything seems wrong. 

I had this really good filing about that movie that I was talking about previously and it turned out as a complete disaster. I should tell you really quickly. This one guy hired me to be in his movie and he promised all great stuff and everything, but then it turned out he only wanted to use me. You know he wanted to be with me. He literally made a film to screew me (god, that sounds awful, but thats the nicest I can explain). And when I heard that (basically he told me with no shame), I lost this hope to spend this summer awesome. I blocked him, and I felt really stupid. I already filmed songs for him and I spend so much time on this dude, for nothing. And even more crazy part is that nobody will stop him. I have no idea what to do. Because he was my boss. That shouldn't be happening. 

On the happier note I am finally going on some real vacations to Italy with Jan for one week, and I am so super excited. And I am going to vlog it, because I need to start somewhere and thats a proper start for coming back on youtube. 

I am sorry for a bit sad blogs and all, but I need to let some stuff out. You will get the next one very cheerful and optimistic, I promise. 

Love, Eva

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