nedelja, 31. avgust 2014


Wait, please! Just wait.
There is no end.
There is no goodbye.


Tomorrow is the first day of school. The first day of my last year in that school. And I have no idea how to feel. I am feeling rather sad than happy. Firstly, I hate school. I have no idea why would anyone love school when you have so many beautiful things in this world to do, so many beautiful places to see, so many great chances. You are basically compelled to study of those things, instead of living them. We live in such extraordinary times, whishing to live in some others. Only because we are forced to do what we don't want to do, to survive. But that goes with humanity for a very long time. It is only my way to look at the world, I am not trying to force you into thinking like me. I am just a firm believer into thinking that everyone should be doing things they feel like doing. I wish I could say it the way you could understand me. But in my head it sounds so much better. We need to do things we maybe don't like to do, to have a normal life. By normal life I mean, to have a job, to have the money, to maybe have kids, to start a family. But for that we need to go to schools, we need to be good at it, and then we need to look for a job, and if we are lucky enough, maybe we will get a job we actually like and then we will have to do this for a month, a year, 10 years, maybe even a lifetime. But in my opinion, so many people die with regrets. There are people who die without doing that thing they wanted to do. And thats just how I feel. 

I am trying to say it out loud, but I feel like I can't say it the way I want it to sound..

Because I feel that people don't understand. Even the people who are close to me. There is no time in this world to do things you love, when you are older. You know, I am trying to tell you that you shouldn't be waisting time to tell people what do you want, you should just do things. I always come to the stage when I have a sudden idea of my life and I don't get to make it true, because I am afraid that I am not going to make it and thats the part where it stops for me. And then I try to talk with the closest people to me. But somehow I alway manage to say it wrong. I always say "lets move away", "lets just go anywhere"... or some other smaller things like "lets just go out for tonight" that aren't less important, just less risky. And then everyone starts to think about the money. The first thing they think about is always the money, and I always think about happiness. Thats probably my curse. 

Right now, I am not gonna lie, I feel more confused than I ever were. I am not happy to go to school, I have no idea what i want from my life, I don't have a clue if I ever did the right thing, because I have no idea what is the right thing. I have been in a relationship for two years. For some of you that might seems like a lot, but for some it might even hear funny. But I honestly feel like there is so many things I want to do with that boy, but on the other side, I feel like we are together for 20 years. We have been together for so many days that seeing each other is not a big deal anymore. You know I don't love anyone that much, that deeply, that true than him. I kinda just feel like the time is going to come when everything will be completely different. And I know changes can be great. But maybe they aren't.

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