torek, 01. december 2015


Dear me!

Acting like you don’t care is not letting go. It is understandable that this is hard for you, because this was not just boyfriend breakup. You didn’t just loose your boyfriend, but your soul mate, the only person you could ever imagine your future with and the only person you ever truly loved. It is understandable you can’t just go back and have a normal life after you lost someone who meant the world to you. You can’t just turn this off, it takes time, so don’t be afraid to take all the time in the world to try and deal with it. Tomorrow is December, your favorite month and December always means all the people you love in one place. But this year is going to be different, maybe you will spend Christmas crying and New Year locked in a bathroom because you will miss him so much, but it’s how it has to be. Sometimes things don’t work, as they should. I know how you always have a plan in your head - how to get him back and how you spend days in your room trying to figure something smart enough for him to notice it, hoping he will notice and come back. I know it breaks your heart because he doesn’t. But you need to understand that he made a decision. You need to understand that no matter how much he wants to hurt you, to push you away, it hurts him too. He loves you. But no matter how strong his love is - it will fade in time, and you need to be prepared for this, because if you won’t be, your world will come down crushing on you. You have been incredibly brave for the past weeks and I know that sometimes it felt like you are not going to make it, but you are still here. And that counts for something. You know that if it is meant to be, love will find a way; you can’t make him come back, even if you think that you can. You can either love him and wait for him or try to move on. If I may suggest the second option, but I know how much he means to you, and I know what you will do, what you will choose, but just in case you will be let down, keep in mind that there is always a second option. You don’t have to love him as much anymore, you don’t even know him, you aren’t even sure if he even misses you. Frankly, you aren’t even sure what went wrong. Don’t spend all your life wondering and looking for answers. Just try and be happy. Try to slowly let him go. I know you and I know that you can’t even imagine of not thinking about him for a minute. But you can’t just do all the things for someone who left you. You have to stop with reading his promises. He promised not to ever leave you, because he was feeling the moment. It isn’t his fault, it is your fault as well, and you have to accept that no matter what, you can’t change the past. You don’t have to take all of his pictures down just yet, if you are not ready. You don’t have to delete all the videos; it won’t help you if you aren’t ready. Just leave time heal you and hope that you are strong enough to manage to be okay. You don’t know, maybe he will come back and your relationship will be stronger than ever, but you mustn’t spend your entire life waiting for him to make up his mind. If he loves you, truly, he will come back. Throughout life you will meet one person who is unlike any other. You could talk to this person for hours and never get bored, you could tell them things and they won’t judge you. You met this person already and this person is your soul mate. Don’t let them go. But on the other side if you ever want something badly, let it go and see if it comes back. There are so many mixed feelings in your head, but only one in your heart. You learned that no energy in the universe is created and non is destroyed. That means that every bit of energy inside us, every particle will go on to be a part of something else; maybe live as a dragon fish, a microbe, maybe burn in a supernova. And every bit of us was once a part of some other thing – a moon, a storm cloud, a mammoth. Thousands and thousands of other beautiful things that were just as terrified to die as we are. We gave them a new life. A good one, I hope. I know that you are hard to love. Some days you are all smiles and affection and then other days there’s nothing you want more than to be quiet and lie in bed. Sometimes you get angry about stupid things and won’t want to talk to him other days you’ll think that he is the most perfect person in the world. But he shouldn’t have given up on you. You matter. You will not always be the smartest person in the room and you will not always be the strongest and funniest or the most talented. But you can always be brave and kind, and these things you should be every minute of every day for the rest of your life. Because yes, those other things, they are great things. But these things are better. Just take one day at the time. And don’t care about what others think. I will give you an example: If you tasted the best piece of cake in your entire life, would you still continue to eat it even if a few people tell you it’s disgusting and they don’t like it? Yes? Exactly. So why do people give up on the chance to be with someone who makes them happy because of a few things that irrelevant people say? You need to let your anger out. Not by punching people or using bad language. Use your anger to get your dreams come true. Don’t hold back because then one day you’re going to explode, burst. So, run five miles. Write a song. Ride your bike as hard as you can. Dance as you won’t have legs the next day. Be free. Feel free. But don’t give up. You are going to want to. You won’t love anybody like you love him and that’s okay. They say that when you meet the love of your life, time stops. But don't let the love of your life stop your life.

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