nedelja, 28. februar 2016


There is an unseen, secret and unspoken list in everyone's mind about who makes our life so worth living for. About who would we take a bullet for? 

And I am falling right now and I would like to take all the time in the world to say that not only that I would die for you, but also you are the reason I would live for. I've been thinking too much. But you picked me up when I had zero motivation in life and you were there with all the cool songs to show me what life really is about and you showed me what is important by encouraging me to tell you all my desires. You brought me food, because you are nice and you brought me flowers to make me smile (even thought I didn't like flowers). All the walks and the talks. All the time we laughed at random people we saw. And the time you told me you loved me; and the time you took my hand and try to balance me when I walked on fences. The hugs and kisses. That time you told me you would die for me. When you gave me your shirts and I looked like a rapper in them, because they were too big. And the hats you would only give me to borrow. All the songs you wrote for me and to me and because of me. Because sometimes to write something important we need someone who will inspire us; and I was your inspiration. All the time we spend searching for perfect songs to remind us of each other. All the fuck ups that made us get closer together. By that I mean all the crazy stuff I put in my head and you who would just say 'yes' to them all, without hesitation. Even if or parents were worrying sick and giving us curfews. All the plans we made for our future and all the things we needed to buy and all the dogs we were naming and the trips. And the big plan to move away when we would be 18, which of course we didn't. Remember sunsets? And the first time I sang in front of you or the first time we told others about what love really feels like. Remember when we were at the movies and watched that crazy movie and I balled my eyes in front of you, trying to hide it. All the secret letters and secret writings that you told me I could learn if I wanted to, because you trusted me. Remember all the lies they told about us and we would laugh and even fight about them. How stupid we were? We fought like married couple. But all the gifts and all the planning couldn’t compare with the feeling I felt. 

I've been thinking too much. I fallen and I am taking the time, because it doesn't matter that it ended. It doesn't matter that there is no way of us being together, and there is no way of us even being friends. But you surely gave me something way more important. I always loved you and I probably will for quite some time. I still feel inspired, even if you aren't here. I'd die for you, that's easy to say but I'd live for you and that's hard to do. 

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