torek, 01. marec 2016



Some people have it bad, and they are really messed up because of the certain thing in their life. No matter what that thing is, they feel so let down; it almost looks impossible for them to continue life normally. Like they can't just go back to what they were doing before something bad happened to them. And as much as I really try to understand that, I can't. Can't a person just decide to be happy? Do people have to go through days and weeks and months of coping with things to feel normal again? Maybe I am not the right girl, to figure this out, because I had quite a lot of days until I felt a little better after my breakup. But I regret every single day. And I sure as hell regret every single tear and every day I couldn't eat and I starved myself and nights that I couldn't sleep. I would do anything to get those days back and fix them. Why? Because after so many bad days, things started to feel better, because there is always sunshine after rain. I had a feeling that I am always going to feel pain, but then Panic! At The Disco and Twenty One Pilots came running for me and made me fight back. And not only that, I got somebody back in my life, whom I thought would never ever let back in, in million years, but because I started treating myself better, I started seeing life as it was. Great. Not depressing at all.

Because in the end it doesn't even matter. Because in a few months those days feel stupid and in a few years those days feel so stupid, you laugh at them. But why are people so stupid (including myself) that they can't just skip the grief? Why? 

Maybe after we loose somebody important, we don't see our lives without them and we don't dare to have fun without that somebody that always made us feel so great. But I promise, I promise that in some time you feel sort of empty, and when you do, it hits you that you don't love them anymore. That they are gone. That it is time to move on. 
”As time passes, things change everyday, but wounds, wounds heal, but scars still remain the same.” (Quote by Eminem)

But I opened this blog with some serious title. People always leave? Or Eva always drives them away? Because I just had to deal with yet another person leaving me again. WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS TO ME? Like I have some serious trust issues haha, yet they always decide to put me through this over and over again. 

My sister always asks me why don't I tell "I missed you too" back, or the guys in my life always asked me why don't you say "I love you" back. Because 'I TRUST YOU' is bigger to me than the ''L'' word. 
If I will ever love you, I will first prove it to you and I will show you and I will trust you and then I will throw it in words. Funny, right? I have so much to say but I can't express my feelings with words. Me saying 'I love you' look like me punching someone and telling him that he is a looser with a smile

People don't get to have fairy tales like FitzSimmons or Peyton and Lucas for example. People in real life get through so much pain because they don’t know how to turn the ‘happy’ mode on. And I want to change that. I want to help every broken person, with listening and telling them what I actually see. Because people usually stay sad for more than plenty time, because they don’t know how they feel.

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