torek, 31. maj 2016


I know I could lie, but I wouldn't lie to you. Wherever I go, I am looking for you.

I feel alive when I am close to the madness, which I have been feeling a lot lately. And I build this theory about different qualities of life. Maybe qualities is not the proper word, but it is surely the closest word to describe what this is. People are designed to have a power of free will and everyone has different one, and different belief as well, so therefore that means that not two people think or feel or believe the same. Even if it is similar, it is never the same. For example lets just compare two different lives here: first person loves adventures and being free and having fun and doesn't care about money and work and has a completely different life than the second person, who basically loves school and work and will always put it first.

But lets just try to imagine how different lives that are. And my question here is, which one is better and happier. Because let's face it, happiness is what matters the most in the end. Nobody thinks about money (or whatever) when they die. If you just try to imagine how different homes of that examples are, you could see that the first one has a smaller house, but there are a lot pictures and colours and home-made mugs and plates and pets and it might look a bit messy, as for the second person, it is bigger and neater and it has fancy furniture and lines and everything reminds you of white and black. I always got this feeling when I got to this particular house of someone I know - everything was so white and neat and spacious and so quiet. You could hear every footstep, but is was always so quiet, the only thing you could hear was the noises from outside. And that made me think about something very important.

The money doesn't matter if you have a quiet home. All the education doesn't compare with emptiness you feel when you are old and you see back and imagine how adventurous your life could have been. The trips mean much more to you, than all the working you have done.

No easy love could ever make you feel the same. And by that I mean that if you dated a girl that was just crazy to handle and funny and cute and she loved to be around people and was always trying to make you go to trips and was creative and you let her go for more successful girl, but just not so funny and cute girl; the girl who wouldn't make you buy flowers for your garden and dance with you in the rain kind of girl; you might not see it now, but for the long term, you made a bad investment (not trying to compare girls to investments, its just an easier explanation).

When you are old, money stops being the most important thing, and you don't want to look back. And some people pray to the god for some magic. Beside you, whom do you want to have?

And I am scared that I will make the same mistake again, that I will fall for someone deeply, who will eventually replace me with someone boringly successful. Because I never wanted that quiet house and never wanted a lot of money and never wanted to work night and day for something, that I don't like.

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