torek, 14. junij 2016

TRAGEDY


I have changed. My hair is longer, it grew about a decimetre and I am going to cut my split ends on Wednesday. The idea of actually having short hair just popped in my head, not that I like it, but it would be a drastic change. I feel like my eyes got bluer. They were always super mega blue, but now they are even bluer. I stopped eating meat. Yeah I know, it sucks, but I just found out that I have rheumatism, so no meat for this chick. My jokes got funnier. Sarcasm and stupid jokes are my number one defence now. No more being irresponsible little kid. Oh, yeah I have a new favourite movie. Of course Inception is still number one, but A Long Way Down really moved me. And the fact that this is actually a happy movie is really a big change. I applied for a job, can you imagine? Haha, don't even want to tell you what I applied for, you are gonna think its stupid. I met somebody cool, but it turned out not so cool, so I left. You know me, can't commit anymore. I am not a teenager anymore. I am a responsible 20-year-old. The Royals is currently my obsession. You know how I like to give my whole heart to one TV series, yeah The Royals is the main attraction for me right now, besides Game of Thrones. I can't help it, Eleanor is me. She is me. My favourite thing to do now is just laying in my bed with headphones on and listening to loud music. The fact that film music is my favourite hasn't changed a bit. My drawing skills still suck, but they suck a little less now. Oh yeah, guess who called? Yeah, I am not kidding you, he came back. I have a new favourite band(s). One is Twenty One Pilots and the other is Panic! At The Disco. They are genuinely the most caring two bands - like they care about fans so much. That means that Tyler Joseph cares about me. I will take that! I had to throw away my pink All Stars, mom made me do it. But I got red Vans in return and they are quite nice actually. I can do sweets now, like a pro. Baking is something I like to do, when there is nothing to do. Slowly I am making progress with making videos again, but I think that it hit me here the hardest. I am just grateful that I can at least edit now. 'Slowly' is the key word in that sentence, but hey, I am getting better. Cars are my new passion, mainly because I liked Need For Speed haha, I am such a girl. I started going to bed late again. There are things that haven't change about me. I still look at the world with glittery eyes, I still smile with my eyes. The LOTR necklace is still my favourite piece of my wardrobe. I still like to dance in a car when my jam is on. I still sleep everywhere I go. I can still win at Chess. I still cry when I see certain movie endings. I can still do great impressions of Russian accent and Sean Connery and others. I guess that a person can change quite a lot in a year, but little things stayed with me. Maybe I will change something about myself everyday, until I will be unrecognisable, but I don't think I will stop being good at Chess or I don't think that I will ever stop writing what I feel is right. That is a big part of who I am. And if that is what you don't like, then you will never like me for who I am, not when I am 20, not when I will be 40, not even when I will be 90 years old. But that is okay, because I don't need you to like me anymore.

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