ponedeljek, 29. avgust 2016


Nothing breaks my heart. It's just the way I am.

I know that I may not the be the best thing for you right now and thats okay. I am the best version of me that I can currently be. I am trying my best and I've realised that being less for you means being more for myself and that's important because I am the only thing that I have left. When people leave they take everything that was built in the moments together, days, weeks, months, years together, they take it all away with them. All you are stuck with are memories and the only thing you are able to feel about those memories are how good did it feel. But it wasn't just all sunshine, you are just unable to see that when you miss somebody. And because in the last couple of months I have really went through this good phase in my life, I started to realise how much am I really worth and important. I gave everything I had for one person, who left when he was feeling dull and I lost more than you could ever imagine. I lost myself, so the only right thing to do was to build myself back up again and never do the same mistakes. Lesson learned. Today, I am a whole new person, unrecognisable. And I wanted to share how I changed and what really helped me find myself again and not feel sad all the time.

Finding an interest again in things I loved before I was in a relationship. That is very important and very hard, because when you get through hard times, you don't really want to be happy and I managed to find my old interest after a few months, but I did it.

Admit it that you need help. Admit that you are hurt. Not everybody can do it. If you aren't able to feel better, just admit it to yourself and go to the doctor and find help, because that is nothing to be ashamed for. If you break your leg it won't help you if you try and suck it up and act like nothing is wrong. Same goes for heart.

Mark one thing: YOU CAN'T GET FIXED BY THE SAME PERSON WHO BROKE YOU. That was super hard for me to understand because in the moment, all I felt was how everything would be okay if he would just come back. No it wouldn't.

The hardest part for me was to not be attached to things and photos and memories and clothes that reminded me of him. I deleted his pictures only a few weeks ago, because before I just couldn't do it. It hurt too much to just delete 3 years of my life. And then after 9 months, it felt right, because I got fixed.

I always say how you should just delete all the songs that remind you of that person, but here I was wrong. I didn't delete them, I even increased the amount of listening to them, but then when it started to feel a little better, I got bored of listening to songs that remind me of him. And thats a good sign.

When somebody tries to come into your life, it is okay if you say that you aren't ready. Honestly, I don't let anybody in and I back off if somebody mentions or even shows feelings and affections towards me. I got more careful and I don't just trust everybody like I did. It's not that I lost faith or anything, I just got so broken that I never want to feel it again and I am more careful about my emotions.

There are a few movies that are in my head constantly when I think about how to feel better. And if you are going through a hard time, maybe you could watch them to feel a little better. First one is A Long Way Down and the second one is Jeux D'enfants (Love Me If You Dare).

Let others help you. Recently I met somebody who does not ask questions about my past, who doesn't want to know about it and we just ramble on and on about life and that makes me incredibly happy. It helps me in a way to really see how people can treat you nicely. I used to think I didn't deserve it - to be treated nice and now I feel happy.

That is a funny one, but if you ever feel like shit, just watch Game of Thrones, because Sansa can be your constant reminder how fucked up life you could have if you were her and you really should just be happy about your life and appreciate it more haha. Thats me.

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