sreda, 16. november 2016

1 YEAR OF HAPPINESS

sreda, 16. november 2016

1 YEAR OF HAPPINESS

We are celebrating 1 year anniversary since I created Fire Meet Gasoline and turned a new page of my life. The funny part about this whole celebration is that I am not just thankful for all the amazing people that helped me get through though times, but am also super thankful for people who did the most damage in my life.


This is not a sad post, this is me happy.

First of all I would like to thank Anja, Pina and Fila. When I was having the worst time of my life, you kinda asked zero questions, you just were there. And most of all I am so thankful that you inspire me all the time. That you give me all the best ideas and you always know what to say. I already wrote an appreciation post for ya'll. You can read it if you want here. I love you all so much!


I would finally like to thank this one super cool dude. You don't know him, because I don't write about him ever, because I got a pretty hard lesson of how much of my personal life should I really share online, but since my new motto is fuck it, I would like to officially show off my better half. My best friend and my partner in dissing and partner in crimes - Nejc. You are awesome. Without you I would probably still be stuck somewhere where I was not destined to be, but you kinda stole my heart from the moment you told me how you see the world. Primarily you are my best friend and my world wouldn't be the same without you. The one thing I am most thankful is how you showed me what it really means to live your life to the fullest and how to make challenges possible. You are always in when I have crazy ideas and you always support me and give me motivation when I need it. When I said 'stole my heart' I meant that I was super lost before you, and now it feels like I never even was. Honestly, I feel so happy all the time, its almost annoying... All because of you, my man. You are super duper. Love you! Thanks for stalking me.


Special thanks to the funniest creatures on the planet I call my family. Moth, you kinda didn't even let me be sad and I was kinda mad at first, but then I realised that life is to short to not be happy. And my sister, thanks for being there for me all the time. You are so annoying, but you are the best person in my life. And to Miloš and Mila and the rest of the fam. I love you so darn much. Thanks for supporting me.


And mostly I am thankful for my ex. You showed me so much, you made me realise things no body will ever make me realise again. I am so much bigger than you. Thats sounds so rude, but because of you I got my goals back, which you sucked out of me. And they are bigger and better. But if you wouldn't, I wouldn't be the girl I am. So, yes, you did break me into million pieces, you did break my heart, it was super hard, it was super painful, I thought that I was not going to make it, but I did. I picked myself up and rebuild my life. And today I am really happy and I can't feel a single thing when I hear your name. I am so happy you broke my heart, because it would really suck if you would still be sucking the life out of me. Good job boi, points to you! Also thanks to the guy who tried to come back in my life and changed his mind to be with a ''better'' girl. Thanks for not coming back.


This year I managed to do even more exciting things with Thor, I love Summer 2016, best Summer so far. I met some of the loveliest people. I would just also like to mention these guys: Jaka, Nina, Lana, Nika, Monika and all other dogs-related people. You are super great. Big changes in a year. I moved. Twice. This time for good. To a place I thought I was going to hate, but somehow I kinda dig it. Well, it surely has nothing to do with Nejc being 5 minutes of walking away, nope, not at all. Praise all the trips I had. Especially Poland. Poland was just amazing. It felt like I could do this forever. And all the Summer road trips. Learning how to properly use my camera. Buying Macbook, getting two new phones. Finishing high school and starting university. Yes, it was a great year. I can't complain. Such a big and important year. I feel like when I will be old I will look back and think about year '16 and be like... oh man, what a good year that was. 


☺everything is going to be super duper. ☺
⟶ love, Eva.
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petek, 11. november 2016

WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO LEAVE ME?

petek, 11. november 2016

WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO LEAVE ME?

I won't be like you.


There is nothing to say. When I look at you, all the words loose meaning. When you hurt me, all the emotions went somewhere deep inside my body, I say nothing, but I am dying inside.

Twice a year you come to pick us, but I hate every hello, because with you hello always means goodbye. And I don't understand, and I hate to ask but what was it like to leave me?

After realisations like this one, I stop and think. Was is always me? Was I the reason all the bad things happened to me? Is it because I am your daughter? Because you are what you create. That would explain a whole lotta things. I won't be like you! I will fight and I will kick and scream, but I would rather die than not try and stop this genes. When I do stupid things, I see you in me and it scares me to death. When I do bad things, he looks at me the same way like I look at you. I won't be like you! Can you stop this? Can you just stop being something you were born to be?

It always ends too soon. Its all your fault. The fact that I don't let anyone in, not really, is your fault. You just left. And now I am doing the exact same thing to this one guy, who means the world to me. You didn't say goodbye, you didn't give me a reason, you just did the easy thing. You can't stop DNA.  I have too much you inside me, to do better. There are situations when I do the right thing, but as soon as things get out of control, I panic and I do what I always do. I leave. I would rather break myself than admit to others that I love them.

I hate to see you as a monster, but you ruined me. So hard, I tried so hard, to puzzle myself back together, and then you came and ruin everything for me again. And again. And you want to do it again. There is no way, I'll ever let you back in, no way I will every let you brake me again. I am just so scared. I won't be like you! I don't want to be in pain. I don't want to be miserable. I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing. Sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind. Maybe this is November talking, but I am just so tired.

All this moving away and the fact that I am still not sure about my University and my dad and the not talking brings out the worst in me. Maybe I need a break. Maybe I don't, I am just asking you to understand, that this is a stressful time for me. Knowing myself, there are two options: that I will either blog like crazy or not blog at all. But you can follow my life on instagram (@epremk). I hope you understand. But, I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to be this person.

I am surrounding myself with friends and family right now and I am being productive and planing big exciting projects for you guys, so I think I will be just fine.
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