četrtek, 23. november 2017

IF BREATHING WAS EASY

četrtek, 23. november 2017

IF BREATHING WAS EASY

Why I didn't post anything for two weeks?

I am sick. 

The first thing you need to know about me is that I am a fighter. Literally I would have to miss a leg to go to the hospital, the world would have to come crushing down on me for me to break. I depend on a few people.






I spent last weekend with the people who have the same or really similar diagnosis as I do. I learned so much about how to make it bearable. We had a seminar about how to deal with it and there was a lot of talking about how other found out they were sick and how they felt and reacted and told the people about it. And they all had it similar - they were scared, angry and then they learned to live with it. But I couldn't relate. But let's talk about this after I tell you my story.


Ever since I was a little kid, I had problems with pain in my legs. My knees and ankles were really hurting me and they would get a little swollen, so my parents took me to the doctor. My doctor briefly looked at me and said that it is because I am growing too fast my bones are slightly in pain, but that I should be fine. He called it 'a growing up disease'. As I was growing up I learned that if I walk too much that my legs will hurt me in the evening and the next day. I remember how me and my grandma used to sit in a sofa, watching telenovelas and she would massage my ankles with 1001 different creams. It would never make me feel better, but it was a thing we did every night, just to let me forget about my pain a little.

Until I was a little lady, I was already used to that kind of lifestyle. The pain never went away even when I stopped growing up. But let me tell you, if you live with pain your whole life, you get so used to it that you can push yourself to do everything normally and you sometimes don't even notice it anymore. You get really immune to other pain. If I got hurt somehow, I would sometimes not even notice it. It is actually like a superpower. If I got really sick with high fever, I would look really okay, because pain can't get to me like it can get to other people.

Then when I was in high school I started getting my ring finger really swollen. It was red and I couldn't even move it anymore. I thought I had some sort of accident that I didn't notice. And I let it go for a few weeks, I didn't think much of it. Then in one year it was really painful, I couldn't even open a jar anymore. My ring finger was the size of two normal fingers, so I went to my doctor again and tell him about what my problem is. I did ultrasound (that didn't show anything, like it was fine) I did bone scans (which also showed nothing bad), so my doctor told me I had tumour. I was freaking out. They obviously tested my blood and everything they could to support that statement. I went to see a plastic surgeon and he told me that he can't do anything for me, that he can't take anything out, because there was nothing there to take out.

You can imagine how confused I was. Then he said that maybe I should go check myself out in this hospital that is in Ljubljana, just to make sure I don't have any autoimmune disease. He wanted me to cross the worst options out, just to be sure. Just to be sure. A single sentence that is, until this day still stuck in my head. So I went. I waited 2 months. People wait 2 years for their turn to be treated there and I waited 2 months. It kinda freaked me out. Why did I only have to wait 2 months?! The first day I was treated there I got two injections of depo medrol in two of my fingers. I am not gonna lie, it hurt like hell. I got them in the exact spot when I hurt the most. The next two days I couldn't even move my hand, and I had a job where I had to move boxes and check a bunch of plastic. I still did it, because as I said, I never admit I am not okay.

Then I had the appointment to come in a month and give blood. I gave so much blood I lost all my energy for that day. I was just done. And then they called me back in a few weeks. The doctor checked me if I had any skin problems, like psoriasis and then she told me that I should take Medrol and Sulfasalazine and a bunch of other stuff. I also got a depo medrol injection and it hurt like hell. I had my whole leg paralysed for 3 days. I got a paper that I didn't even read and I went home. I took my pills and then I got a back pain. A weird back pain, where I couldn't turn my head to the left and honestly if just felt like I slept in a weird position and that was the consequence.

But the pain never stopped. being used to it, I just let it slide, but then I had to take even more pills and I got the worst side effects ever. I stopped eating, which made me super weak. But not that I didn't want to eat, but my body just wasn't hungry. I was never even hungry when I saw like my favourite food and I could not eat a single thing for two days. Then I realised that is not good, so I made myself eat lunch everyday. Then I got sick. I had really bad headaches, because I started having vision problems. I couldn't focus things and I couldn't even read a single sign on the street. I always had that weird feeling like I am lost. Like one moment I would know exactly where I am going and then in the next I forgot where I am or what am I doing there. The fact that I got a rash didn't even bother me, because I was too focused on other things that freaked me out. So, I researched a lot. I joined a support group with people who have the same illness, and now I am officially a disabled person (yeey! haha) and I stopped eating my pills. In like 5 days I lost most of my symptoms, but I will have to go to the hospital in a few days to get new medication. Also I gave a lot of blood to run tests on.

Also, I went to this amazing weekend seminar and I learned so much about it. How to deal with loss, which I have been dealing with for the past half of a year and how to teach my family and friends to deal with it. Also, the medication and therapy and blah blah blah, stuff that you would have no clue but being a pills expert myself, it was the best seminar in my life.

Look, I am not a superwoman, but I fight Spondylitis so close enough. 

I know that reading this doesn't really give you a full picture of what is Spondylitis. But if I had to put it in a short conclusion. It is autoimmune, chronic, non-curable disease that causes your joints to separate from eachother in a way (I heard a good joke about this - ''My joints go out more than I do.''). It causes spine deformation, other joints deformations (for me it is my fingers and ankles and knees and neck) and the really bad one - it attacks your organs, among other totally decent symptoms. It also shortens your life span and it is really hard to have babies. Also, if I have a baby with a totally healthy partner, there is still 50% possibility that our kids will also get the same disease. If I can get kids. It is hard to live in a body that rejects your existence, no doubt. But also know that not everyone have these symptoms, that is just how I have been dealing with it so far. I heard a lot of different stories. Some have it better, some have it worse than me.


Lately there has been a lot of discussion about Selena Gomez and her battle with Lupus. Lupus is basically a disease that goes in the same category of autoimmune diseases, but it is a little bit different, it affects mostly your organs. Just wanted to tell you that as a fun fact.

Categories that go to our group are: Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus(es) and Spondylitis(es)










If you can, please spread awareness. Our thing is blue ribbon. But only if you want to, don't say I made you haha.
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sobota, 04. november 2017

SLEEK All Night Long EYESHADOW PALETTE

sobota, 04. november 2017

SLEEK All Night Long EYESHADOW PALETTE



Today I wanted to talk about this Sleek eyeshadow palette just because I love it. I didn't really get to test all colours out, but as far as I came, I am loving it. It is a really cheap palette, which is kinda crazy, because personally I think it should be worth a lot more money. Not that I am complaining, but it is beautiful and lasting.


As I came to the stand, with no intentions of buying anything really (the story of my life) I saw that copper (down-right) colour and I fell in love. Having light blue eyes, I can't really own anything too dramatic or anything too colourful, even with just an eyeliner I look like a panda. But with brown shades I make my eyes stand out so much you won't be able to look at anything else. Its kinda awesome, but at the same time I would love to put something crazy on my eyes. And with this palette I can make my eyes stand out dramatically because the colours are so insanely strong. All but two basic colours are shimmery. And as much as I always wear boring-not-sparkly makeup, I thought that it is time for me to go a little bit out of my comfort zone. In my opinion you could use some of those shades as highlighter - I tried it, because I wanted to see if I could make it work and it looks really good. 

The best thing about this make up is that it doesn't make my eyes red. I have really sensitive eye lids and if I buy cheap make up, I always get red eyes and lids and this is working really good for me. No redness, no irritation, nothing really. 

There were like 10 different palettes to chose from, but as I said. It had me at copper. I feel like I am going to love these colours because they remind me of winter time and since you know my obsession with Christmas and holidays, this is perfect for me. I would strongly suggest it to everyone with blue eyes. Obviously you lucky humans with brown and green eyes, you can make anything work, so this is generally perfect for everybody.

This next picture is a little sneak peak of how it looks (you will be able to see how it actually looks in my future posts, because I am never gonna stop using this palette) if I only apply the smallest amount on the brush. I tried to test it out how it would actually look like if I don't use a lot. And I would also like to say thanks to my best bud Thor for scratching my hand.

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petek, 03. november 2017

LETS TALK ABOUT ME PART 1 (porn, my first boyfriend, University, goals)

petek, 03. november 2017

LETS TALK ABOUT ME PART 1 (porn, my first boyfriend, University, goals)

Hi!


My name is Eva, people usually call me Evs, but I am known as Eva Premk Monroe, which is not my real name. Well, the first part is my real name, obviously. It's a fake name I gave myself in my 5th grade of primary school and I am now stuck with Monroe. It has a lot to do with me obsessing over Marilyn Monroe.


I have three tortoises, one amazing boxer dog and a bunny. Those creatures mean the world to me and all I want to do is spend time with them. I had to leave my bun at home unfortunately, but my dog is here with me, on my bed, while I stay at my parents house for the weekend. I came here to see certain people. I wanted to see my family and my friends from VPL and I wanted to see someone I didn't see for quite some time.

The reason for my big adventure to see someone I didn't see for quite some time is because I am growing. I am processing things in my head and I wanted to tell that to that certain human. Unfortunately, I am not in luck, because he didn't check his facebook, but everything is good for something.

Sometimes, when things don't go according to plan, I just pretend destiny wanted things to work out the way they worked out and I feel great. So, if I don't talk to this person, then I am going to blame it on destiny and move on.


I love people who take pictures of me, I know that it sounds weird, but I just love it. Thats why I am including my pictures in this blog.

Matching dresses with my youngest sister (I have 4 siblings) Astrid Mila. I gave her the name. 
If you type my name in google, you might be in luck and a porn site will appear where it says that if you click on the link you get to chat with a hottie from Slovenia. That site is fake. But I am flattered. I knew that something will go wrong with my life and I will end up doing porn haha. No, to be really honest, someone just stole my name and probably images, but hey, I don't really care. I am probably more famous in porn than here, so it's all good.


My roommate is obsessed with video games, thats why I spend most of my days in a room watching him be a geek. We got PS4 and so many games that I can't even name all of them. But I like Injustice and Until Dawn and hubby is obsessed with FIFA18 and NBA18. It's sad really, because my life revolves around Uni, food, my pets and technology. My fake porn is probably more exciting, but I got kinda used to it and I accepted that this is UNI life. Cheers to everyone who is struggling with the same things.

The fact that I live by the sea makes me so happy.

I like to listen to my hidden album on Youtube called SWI. It is a good album, I am impressed with how good it is. It is not for everyone, but its a really good music, I love it.

You should check my Instagram. You gotta, it is really cool. https://www.instagram.com/epremk/
here it is. Check all my selfies #noshame. Well, I kinda am ashamed, but come on, deal with it and follow me.

I used to Skype so much, I needed my pillow just so I could take naps.
I like to pretend my life is one big movie and recreate encounters I had or will have with people. But I do it really dramatically. I like to be prepared for any situation life is gonna throw at me. So, there is a possibility that you will hear me talk to myself in different accents in the shower.


The fact that my University is the best University on the whole planet is just crazy. I am in love with it. I study Media. Its similar to Journalism, but at the same time its very different. The fact that Archaeology is my favourite subject is kinda crazy, because it has nothing to do with Media, but I accepted the fact that I was not made for Archaeology, so I do it for fun. My professor is cool. He had a cool shirt on his first day- it was NORMAL PEOPLE SCARE ME from American Horror Story and I was impressed.


The best people I ever met are from my previous (hopefully I will work there again) job and I miss them so much already and I was just with them. Definitely once in a lifetime humans. Speaking about job, I am looking for a better job and if you have something for me in Koper HMU!


The goal is simple. I see myself traveling with a hubby, Thor and Mango and another dog and writing, taking photos. Enjoying life. That is what I want for myself. And I want to act more. Half of a year ago I had 4 acting jobs at the same time. I want that again. I want to be active, like I am now with my school, my pets, my photography. I love what I do right now, but in the future I will just advance my level up and travel. The Lumineers are the biggest music inspiration to travel. But I want to be smarter. I want to be as smart as a human can be smart to take that knowledge and put it here for you.



If I had to give you one advice it would be: Time is now.
It means you can't change what happened, you can just write your story and live by it. The fun part is that you can rewrite it how many times you want. Life is hard. I feel like life is kicking me extra hard sometimes, but I am still in love with it. I heard someone say ''Life is not forever.'' and it is true. It is not. Thats why we should live it extra. Thats why I created this mini series, so you can get to know me a little bit better. To really understand what I live for and why I am who I am.
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