torek, 12. december 2017

LET'S TALK ABOUT ME part 2 (my ex, friends, babies)

Let's talk about what has been most requested topic of my entire life. Let's talk about my ex boyfriend. You all know him very well, but still I won't go into any details just for the sole purpose to not expose him too much.

As you know, I started this blog 'Eva Premk Monroe' at around the same time I started dating now-my-ex. You got used to him being around and used to see how our relationship was taking its journey. Due to some events we decided to call it quits after a few years. 

But Eva, why did you two broke up? I don't really have an answer to that, but it was definitely not the right time for us, I had to work on myself and I had to go through my journey of being diagnosed by myself. He had plans for life only for himself and I was kinda getting in a way of him achieving that. So it was only the matter of time, it was logical for us to eventually break up. At that time it was really difficult for me to see it that way, but as time went by, as the wounds healed, I realised that I am, now, a completely different human and I wouldn't change that at all. 

Are you still friends? Nope. We are not friends, truth be told we are nothing. We haven't seen eachother properly since the breakup, we don't talk, we don't communicate in any way, which is actually great for me as I tend to be the girl who would go back to old habits. And to be honest I think it is safe to say that we are not ever going to be friends again. We ended things in that terms like when the time will be right we can be together again maybe, but with my plans that important and that ambitious he doesn't really fit in the whole picture, as I probably don't fit in his. So, it is safe to say that there is no way of ''us'' for anyone who had fanfic and conspiracy theories. 

As I would love to answer all the questions you had over these two years and everything, unfortunately I don't see the point, because these two are the only two things you actually need to understand what actually happened and how things are now, since I didn't post anything about him or I deleted it and that is just the way I chose to deal with it. I greatly appreciate you guys supporting me and supporting my decisions and just anything I put my mind to. You are the greatest. 

And that brings me to now. I believe I grow so much as a person and I know that people say that all the time, but I really did. The biggest thing I ever did was to become happy. No matter what happens to me, I always kinda push myself through it and that is who I see myself as - happy. 

Being the loudest person in the room, I kinda faded when I started feeling sick. I moved away, I changed my lifestyle, I went to University, I decided my old life is behind me. I have friends that I try not to depend on anymore. I have people who I love tremendously, but being the girl who needed someone just wasn't who I am. So, naturally when I lost the most important thing in my life, I lost a part of me and that meant I lost that part of me that always depended on my best friends. I just hated the fact that I needed them and that is why I hate being close to people now. Even when there is new people and new opportunities, I just don't want for anyone to be there for me when I am not my best, which lately has been most of the time. 

I gained this superpower that whenever I start to feel a little bit better I gain another side effect, another disease, another symptom. Like being my friend is far from easy, ask Nejc. I don't even know how he puts up with me. Latest update is that I have too many erythrocytes, where they shouldn't be. So naturally I am going from one doctor to another. And now I need a new doctor just for the sake of me not spending so much time on the road and skipping University, which has been stressful to miss. I am eating pills so in the future I will be able to have babies, which is another stressful thing to think about because babies. Ekkh, babies haha.

10/5/17; the big date

3 komentarji:

  1. Dang that doctor of yours on the phone that instructed you to eat more pills which would most likely cause a heart attack.... Yes i know everything😈