sreda, 11. april 2018

Me, Eva Premk

sreda, 11. april 2018

Me, Eva Premk

If I compare myself to others, I often come to the conclusion that I am a little bit different. The idea I have of my life has changed from a few years back, but when I read my old blogs I always realise how I still have the same basic idea in my head about me and my life.


Firstly, I want very specific things. Among those things are homemade mugs with drawn on spots, and very funky looking homemade plates. I want really colourful cosy home and I want to share it with a husband, who will be very creative himself. Someone with a vision of our life together and drive to make it successful. I want a few dogs and a few bunnies and my tortoises. A small little house with a big garden. I would love to have a baby one day and I, for some reason, think it will turn out to be a girl. I would name her something really original like 'Summer' or 'Jessa'. Something bold, but also special. I am still working on that part. maybe I want to live near a pond or somewhere where me and my family could enjoy our days and have picnic and enjoy ourselves. Working from home would be ideal, if I were talented enough to be a successful blogger or writer or something similar, but I wouldn't mind going to work everyday for a normal wage. I don't see myself being super rich, successful YES, rich no way. I want to make just a little bit more than my future husband just to annoy him.

I want a family life, but at the same time I want to travel, have fun and live a life that I only could dream of before, traveling with my dogs and my husband, being all happy and seeing things every human should see, I wouldn't mind that lifestyle at all.

But don't mistake me for someone I can't be. I can't be the girl that will talk about work 24/7 and complain about it. I won't ever take the job I would absolutely hate and feel super uncomfortable just for the money. Not because I am too good or because I am spoiled, but because I want to enjoy my life. I don't want to be one of those, I want to be THE one girl that had a really awesome life experiences and still talks about that roadtrip from Summer 2020. I will not give you the perfect life, but I will challenge you, as a girlfriend, as a friend and as a human you will come across. Being me is a lot of things, but I for sure don't need anyone. Well, other than my pets, of course.

That is so hard for everyone to understand and I really don't know why. But to all my friends - if you mistreat me and keep doing that all the freaking time, yes it will be hard at first for me, but I will eventually erase you from my life. I don't need weights that hold me down, I don't need someone that will not be nice to me and I sure as hell don't need any backstabbers that will gossip me to other friends, when I make you my priority. I am not a one month before you get someone else friend. To boyfriend(s) - just because I love doesn't mean I need you. I love you but I can get rid of you as fast as you can think of. Why? Because if you don't treat me right, if you are not mutually agreeing that we should be together because we love to be together and do stuff together, then it is over. Like I can make myself happy, I can do extraordinary things, but if you are not down to do at least some of them with me, then I am sorry. I ended so many relationships because of it, because people take me for granted and they don't do anything in return. But you know me, you know who I am and what I want. If I am being kept in a home prison, I will not be the best version of me.

I love living. lately I have discovered that its a god damn privilege to be alive and people don't learn that when they are my age. Maybe not learn, but acknowledge. Because if you aren't sick and you are free to do whatever you want, you don't think of those things. I know I haven't. And I love living. I feel like I will live forever. Someone once promised me he will make sure to make me live forever. And I guess I know, kinda, that I won't, but I feel like if you have this setup in your head you can't lose.
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petek, 06. april 2018

Dying to live, living to die

petek, 06. april 2018

Dying to live, living to die

Stay alive. 
The autoimmune diseases are a varied group of more than 80 chronic disorders. They affect virtually every organ system in the body, but in all of the diseases, the underlying cause is the same: For reasons not yet understood, the body's immune system goes haywire and attacks the body's own tissues. That makes it hard to treat and harder to understand. But we know that something sets off this  reaction to make the system attack itself, but we don't know why or what. About 75 % of these illnesses occur in women. Many of autoimmune diseases are rare, while others, such as Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis, are much more common. But combined, these diseases represent the fourth largest cause of disability in women and men.

The total number of deaths from autoimmune diseases placed them within the top 10 leading causes of death for all women under 65. For women ages 15 to 64, they were at least the eight leading cause of death.

I am the ''lucky'' girl with the rare autoimmune disease that nobody understands. My diagnosis is still until this very day not 100 % sure. Doctors can't decide of the certain type, because I show signs of three different types of spondylitis. But if I would describe it to you, it would make you sick; sometimes when I show other people my knuckles they are scared to look at them. Well, it is not good. But the worst part is that it affects my organs.

This second I can be totally okay, the next second I am on my way to hospital and kidneys checks and everything else. My medications are really badass, I can get any pain medication I want and because if I want to stay alive I have to do a lot of different pills. This month I'm starting different type of medication, because nothing worked for me so far and I am getting a little bit desperate. Practically I will do really similar therapies as chemo. It is actually the best news in my opinion.

There is no cure. I will eventually die from this disease if I don't die for being too clumsy. Which wouldn't be a surprising thing, trust me.

The one good thing came out of it - when you get sick you truly get the clear picture of who your real friends are and who are just there to use you and leave you. I am currently probably the happiest I've ever been and all my friends are honest and real and I am 100 % sure that not a single one of them would stab me in the back. My inner friendship circle got smaller for sure, but I love it. At first it was hard and it made me really question everything in my life, but I truly believe that if people can't handle me at my worst, they don't deserve me at my best. And a lot of people from my past came back to like talk it out and it is great. It's not so bad after all.

But don't get me wrong. I am scared, scared as hell. I will have to do IV's all the freaking time, I will probably have the worst side effects and there is only like 66 % chance that it will help me have a better life. But it is worth a try, everything new is worth a try. One day I am sure there will be a cure and no one will die and everyone will lead a long happy life, but until then I guess I have to be one of those people who will be experimented on for the future good. I can't be mad at that.

The one and only human I appreciate the most - my room mate - partner in crimes - is being just the most supportive human ever, like I am not kidding you, we do physiotherapy everyday together, he cuddles me when I am in pain and he always asks how I'm feeling, he makes me laugh about it, picks me up when I'm showering and can't get up, opens jars for me, holds heavy objects for me and still thinks I am the best human on the planet. I don't know how he does it, but I am so glad that he does. Because trust me when I got sick I was legit the worst human to handle, I'd be annoying, depressed, mean and I would need 24/7 attention and after all this I would feel physically and mentally exhausted. I was not able to give him what he gave me and that is why he is the best human I have ever met. I love him a lot. I'd live for him and that's hard to do.


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nedelja, 01. april 2018

THE FUNNIEST BUNCH I KNOW

nedelja, 01. april 2018

THE FUNNIEST BUNCH I KNOW



These girls. I could tell you so much about each one, but I would love to just tell you how each is incredibly real and funny. Those are the girls from the best time of my life, we met at work.

Work - not really a place to have fun or have the best time of your life, well not to us. We had so much fun together I cried like a little baby when I had to leave (because I moved to Koper to study). Not sure how we even got so close. It just kinda randomly happened. One day we were stuck in the same room and we had to do this same jobs and we got bored and I feel like it took less than a day for us to get to know eachother to the point when I can say I KNOW TOO MUCH haha.

They are funny. We had to spend a lot of hours a day together and I can surely say that NO ONE in the world can make me cry so hardcore that I would cry for hours. Even when I would remember jokes someone made I would just laugh so hardcore at home. Work became some sort of fun time, I couldn't wait to go back and I couldn't wait to see them. So, because we enjoyed it, we became good at it. I am sure that we are all really good at it. We had eachother's backs and whenever someone would fuck something up, we all teamed up to fix a problem.

I mean, to be real here - this Summer I can't wait to go back (if they will have me).

When me and Tjaša made another group and asked if they are down for coffee, legit everyone said yes immediately and we met. It was that simple. That's why women rule the world I think.
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