sreda, 11. april 2018

Me, Eva Premk

If I compare myself to others, I often come to the conclusion that I am a little bit different. The idea I have of my life has changed from a few years back, but when I read my old blogs I always realise how I still have the same basic idea in my head about me and my life.

Firstly, I want very specific things. Among those things are homemade mugs with drawn on spots, and very funky looking homemade plates. I want really colourful cosy home and I want to share it with a husband, who will be very creative himself. Someone with a vision of our life together and drive to make it successful. I want a few dogs and a few bunnies and my tortoises. A small little house with a big garden. I would love to have a baby one day and I, for some reason, think it will turn out to be a girl. I would name her something really original like 'Summer' or 'Jessa'. Something bold, but also special. I am still working on that part. maybe I want to live near a pond or somewhere where me and my family could enjoy our days and have picnic and enjoy ourselves. Working from home would be ideal, if I were talented enough to be a successful blogger or writer or something similar, but I wouldn't mind going to work everyday for a normal wage. I don't see myself being super rich, successful YES, rich no way. I want to make just a little bit more than my future husband just to annoy him.

I want a family life, but at the same time I want to travel, have fun and live a life that I only could dream of before, traveling with my dogs and my husband, being all happy and seeing things every human should see, I wouldn't mind that lifestyle at all.

But don't mistake me for someone I can't be. I can't be the girl that will talk about work 24/7 and complain about it. I won't ever take the job I would absolutely hate and feel super uncomfortable just for the money. Not because I am too good or because I am spoiled, but because I want to enjoy my life. I don't want to be one of those, I want to be THE one girl that had a really awesome life experiences and still talks about that roadtrip from Summer 2020. I will not give you the perfect life, but I will challenge you, as a girlfriend, as a friend and as a human you will come across. Being me is a lot of things, but I for sure don't need anyone. Well, other than my pets, of course.

That is so hard for everyone to understand and I really don't know why. But to all my friends - if you mistreat me and keep doing that all the freaking time, yes it will be hard at first for me, but I will eventually erase you from my life. I don't need weights that hold me down, I don't need someone that will not be nice to me and I sure as hell don't need any backstabbers that will gossip me to other friends, when I make you my priority. I am not a one month before you get someone else friend. To boyfriend(s) - just because I love doesn't mean I need you. I love you but I can get rid of you as fast as you can think of. Why? Because if you don't treat me right, if you are not mutually agreeing that we should be together because we love to be together and do stuff together, then it is over. Like I can make myself happy, I can do extraordinary things, but if you are not down to do at least some of them with me, then I am sorry. I ended so many relationships because of it, because people take me for granted and they don't do anything in return. But you know me, you know who I am and what I want. If I am being kept in a home prison, I will not be the best version of me.

I love living. lately I have discovered that its a god damn privilege to be alive and people don't learn that when they are my age. Maybe not learn, but acknowledge. Because if you aren't sick and you are free to do whatever you want, you don't think of those things. I know I haven't. And I love living. I feel like I will live forever. Someone once promised me he will make sure to make me live forever. And I guess I know, kinda, that I won't, but I feel like if you have this setup in your head you can't lose.

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