sreda, 23. maj 2018


sreda, 23. maj 2018


I wanted to write about this for so long.
Here is a blog post about Nejc.
More particularly about fascinations and irritations that I discovered about him.

Nejc is a simple man, he knows what he wants and he gets what he wants. He loves to cuddle. But not all the time, oh no. He hates touching at night, when I get the most cuddly. I just want him to hold me while we are falling asleep (spoiler alert: we live together). But he would rather kill me than let me touch him at night. I don't mind being the big spoon, but he just can't take it. He sleeps as far away from me as possible. And it doesn't help if I beg him or cry or if I am on my period. He just doesn't have a soul when it comes to his personal space as the day turns to night. I even had to accept the verbal agreement that he will only snuggle me during daytime naps.

We both had ups and downs in this relationship, it is just how we roll, we make up and fight and sometimes life kicks us hard and it makes us even stronger. And when I say this I really mean it as a compliment. He doesn't freak out. I legit one time told him that I have to go test myself for kidney failure and cancer and he was like... meh, okay, good luck. Well, as bad as this sounds, he doesn't freak out when I need him to be my rock. We had a really tough time last year and when I was freaking out and crying and just being a wreck, he would calmly hug me, told me it was going to be just fine, gave me a kiss and we stayed up all night talking. But you don't understand he should be as freaked out as I was, but he stays calm for me. For other people. Because he is the best.

Celebrations. He absolutely hates them. Everything that he has to celebrate - well, he just doesn't want to (unless its someones birthday), otherwise no. Not anniversaries, not my saint day, not anyones shit. He doesn't care. And I hate it. To be honest, I don't even know when we started dating, because we don't really celebrate it. I want to, but it is not on his radar. He doesn't remember it nor thinks about it.

He knows exactly how to help me. One time he said to me that I should change Mango's water in the evening and when I wanted to it was already changed. He cared about me and our pets. He listens to me and he does what I say to help me. He takes Thor out when I am away and sometimes he even makes our bed haha. But the most awesome thing about my dude is that he washes all the laundry. All of it. By himself. All the time.

Focus is something he is not good at. He can't watch any movie he doesn't pick because he can't focus, he can hardly focus on studying math and sometimes I feel like when I talk about something he is not interested into he doesn't even listen to me - because his focus is somewhere else. It is not like minor focusing problem, it can be hard to tell him something.

He is good at many things, but I am really fascinated about the knowledge he has over fishing and different types of fish and boats and also gaming and computers and just things that interest him. When he likes something he might as well just become an expert. And I like that about him. He always have to be the best at everything. For example I wanted to beat him in Call of Duty for so long, I had him, I swear I had him, just 11 more levels and I would beat his ass, and he couldn't let me have it, so now we are, once again a whole prestige apart, it makes me angry, but also kinda fascinated.

Sometimes I think he is the only person in the whole world I can talk to. By nature, I am not really the person who would open up and talk about my problems and my feelings and how something hurt me and why and stuff like that. I don't like to be fragile. And when I look at him I just want to say everything out loud and make him understand. But when it comes to him, he is very different minded than I am. He gives me this vibe that I can tell him everything, but when I tell him, we disagree on almost everything. Even if its about my feelings he disagrees with me and that makes me really angry, so I can't be 100 % honest about things.

He is always there for his friends. No matter what. And I mean NO MATTER WHAT. You are thinking... yes, aren't we all?! But let me tell you. No, we aren't. Not like him. He has this really important math test tomorrow and he spend so much time explaining his friend how to write some sort of resources. If his friend would say ditch that bitch (aka me) and come with me haha he totally would. No matter what it is, he is 100 % there for his friends 24/7. And I think that makes him the best person in the world. Someone you want to keep around. And it makes me look at him in a whole different way. He has that weird bond with his friends and when he is on Skype or they are gaming and talking it makes me crack so hard sometimes.

He doesn't show his emotions. I have seen him cry like once in 2 years of being with him. He also doesn't lose his shit. But he doesn't do it because he is really calm, but I think he put this bubble around him and he doesn't want to be emotional. Like he never cries at the end of any movie. Like not a single movie. I cry during whole movie. I cried 5 times during Ferdinand (cartoon, yes) because it was so beautiful, and he is always like neeeh, idc. I mean how can you not care, damn boi show me some emotions. And also, he is N E V E R scared of any scary movie, when I am just there shitting my pants, he is stone cold laughing at me for being this dumb.

I am addicted to hugs, like ever since I got this diagnose and I felt more dead than alive, I just started loving a human touch. Before all this, I genuinely hated it, I hated people who would just randomly give me this weird long hugs and I never knew how to react and it would just make me uncomfortable. He made me start loving hugs. He hugs the best, he holds me tight and I feel more at home than an actual home. He also makes me not kill myself with my pills and treatments and all those doctor appointments and just takes care of it. I was hardcore dying when I was on this certain pill and he just fixed it all for me, and I don't think he even realise that, because he does this just because of pure love and understanding and because he cares and not because he has to. I never asked him to do it. You never have to ask him to help you, you know. It's nice. And I never ''need'' help and I always get it.

He is the person you wish to have around you. The person you can easily see yourself being friends with your whole life. Sometimes I think that the people who hurt him badly are the stupidest bunch of people on the planet, because if you are this dumb to lose someone as loyal as him, then you really are the worst. And trust me, you really have to be super persistently bad to him to lose him. You have to be talented. And I've seen him take back even bad friends who don't deserve him. If I try to remember how many tragedies we have dealt in the past couple of years and we stand strong together today it makes me really happy. Because to be honest I couldn't have made it through with anyone else. In my opinion he is normal and at the same time extraordinary, hilarious and insane. Super handsome. I have no idea how I got someone like Nejc, because it had to be luck and destiny and definitely a sprinkle of some magic dust shit hah. Your imperfections and irritations are perfect, at least to me. We are a two men army and I am so glad that you got me. Because I got you.
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ponedeljek, 14. maj 2018


ponedeljek, 14. maj 2018


It all just sort of happened. We decided to go for a hiking trip, which I never do, because of my illness and the first place we visited was one of my favourite places in Slovenia - Martuljški slapovi. I can't walk and because of it we try not to put pressure on me, but let me tell you - it was amazing! 100 % worth it despite the pain. Let me show you some of the photos I took unfiltered.

Then we decided to visit Zelenci and Lake Jasna and took some photos that I really really really like. Sometimes we find magic in most unexpected places and I live for magic. I have always wanted to visit Zelenci, it was my number 1 destination I wanted to visit. My friends visited them multiple times without me, my family visted it without me, even my boyfriend. Everyone I know really haha.

Then we went to see traditional Slovenina bonfire. It was the last day of April/1st day of May. I always celebrated it in Mengeš or Dobeno and sometimes both. It's tradition. I met quite some important people there, and now I get to be there with Nejc, it reminds me of all the great years I had and all the amazing people that I had in my life, no matter if we still hang out of not.

My boyfriend is such a cuttie. Then we went to Velika Planina, it was fun. I hate to walk but it wasn't really hardcore walking, so I am not allowed to complain and I won't. It was beautiful, there was snow and sunshine and so many purple flowers, it was amazing.

We also visited Mengeški bajer aka Cegvenca, but we couldn' take any pictures.
Here you go. 6 destinations 3 days. 
Life is good.
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sreda, 02. maj 2018

My first love. Awwwh.

sreda, 02. maj 2018

My first love. Awwwh.

First of all, I am sorry I have been MIA for a little while, the truth is I haven't been really mentally and physically okay with my disease. I tried to write, really, but I have been disappointed in our health system and how my life turned out to be because of it. But now I am out and about all this and ready to go back to writing.

And yes, that is me without make up just to make it up to you. K continue with reading this.
Now that we are friends again, I have something to tell you. I have been away for quite some time and in this time, I had a lot of ideas what to say and how to say it. Sometimes I feel like I have the right ideas but I just don't know how to say it the right way. Sometimes when I write stories people take them very personally and sometimes they take them the wrong way, but I am just a girl with a simple blog and not so simple life. 

But let me tell you about my first love. It scared me and made me go super crazy. Even now when I am relatively grown up it still makes me crazy. I caught myself thinking of it multiple times and fun fact - it happened 8 years ago. One boy, 8 years ago and I still think about it till this very day. I see him approximately one time per year or hear from him, you know just in case, to not forget we exist he reminds me of his existence. That is the thing of first love I guess - I will always hate him and always care. And it will drive me crazy from time to time. But despite of that I am excited to see what the future holds for me. Sometimes, as crazy at it sounds, I just want to be friends and sort out every beef I ever had with anyone. Almost anyone.

But if you are reading this, just in case if you are, I have a great story to tell you and maybe you should give me a call when the time will come. Better not call me because I might not answer because that would just freak me out. But surely text me and we can go grab a cup of coffee. And I always wanted to punch your face, so maybe let me do that just for you know, for my own satisfaction because I had been angry for so long. I am kidding kinda, but not really.

Life changed for me so drastically and so quickly. One day I was carefree and I was doing crazy stupid things with my friends and then almost overnight I had to grow up. I had to give up my life and I had all this changes happen to me and I got so scared that I didn't want to deal with anybody and at some point I wanted to kill certain people (not literally) but at the same time I wanted them back. 

Whenever I have any crazy ideas, about how I will call them or anything, I just start playing CoD and that's why I am almost already Prestige 3 and I am a killer with knowing weapons, like you name them, I will kill you with LMG's/SMG's/Rifle's. Yes I am the proud owner of my own Volkssturmgewehr Defiance Rifle and I can kill you with my eyes closed, not to be bragging or anything hah. But I suck with Shotguns. Like those things make me so angry whenever anyone dares to blow me up with one of those (yes, poor choice of words, but I have to make this at least a bit sexy). And I can pistol some bitches as well, if they are particularly bad, but I can. I don't like to, but if I have to, I will kill you with a freaking shovel or a ?hoe?... is it called hoe tho? I hope not, because it sounds weird to say that I can kill a person with a hoe. I will end this blog post with giving you a great image of me killing people with hoes! 
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