četrtek, 15. november 2018

If I don't have you, at least I still have me

This picture represents so many things, but for the sake of today's philosophy let's pretend that I was discussing something not so sexual. Let's pretend, hue. 

When I was really smol, I never imagined how I will have a boyfriend or be in love. When I realised I will have kids one day I just thought I will get them as a gift from someone (man, it sounds weird now). The thing is my mates always talked about boys and how they like them and love them and how nothing is more important than them. And when they asked me who I love I always just picked one random person in the room and said... "yes, that one, I love him so very much". But in reality I never loved them or even cared to put up with them. We can say that I did this so I would fit in with my friends. And the problem was that I never stopped doing that. I stopped caring about being cool and stuff, but I never just stopped picking random people that I don't really love and make them like me. 

And when I look back at how many people I actually dated and 'liked' aka had flings it makes me giggle. Not in a cute funny way. In a really weirded out what am I doing with my life kind of way. But at the age of 22 AND A HALF I can say that I really really really liked/loved exactly two people. But when one of those two broke my heart, yes broke... It was horrible for so long. Like for probably most of you, when you deal with heartbreaks. And I always write so much when I am unhappy. Fun fact: you can actually know when I was unhappy looking back at my blog content. The best-worst part of having your heart broken is the quick realisation that comes soon after.

Realising that no matter how I alone I feel, I will always have ME. That I don't need anyone to do something, to achieve something, to feel something or to be happy. And that is important to know. Even Eva, who always needed someone, doesn't actually need anyone. Cool. So... why am I dating somebody then? Because if I am perfectly good by myself, doesn't mean that I am not having a perfectly good time with someone else. 

People always mistakenly think that when we are alone, we are not reaching our full potential, but I always reached mine when I was completely and utterly alone. I read somewhere: "The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you." and sometimes I swear to god I feel like somebody wrote that line just for me. It is not about love and relationship and your boyfriend, it is about us and as soon as you silly brokenhearted people get it the better. 

There are so many different paths out there for us to take, so if you get lost in one, just take another. Metaphorically obviously... don't blame me when you take my rambles literally and actually get lost.

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