nedelja, 09. december 2018

Everything makes perfect sense

One door closes, another opens. Can't tell you enough how much I really lived up to this quote for the past year. For as long as I can remember I looked up to certain people and spend numerous hours on Youtube looking at famous youtubers and with time I started looking up to famous actors. For me it was getting lost in time and space and just being someone I was not. In my mind I am already married to Adam Driver and am BFF with Jodie Comer. I'll show you THE DARK SIDE and stuff. I realise how weird that sounds. But I loved being somebody else for at least just a minute. Don't even know why I stopped acting, the older I get the more sense it makes to me.

Being someone else made me feel a bit less lost and I am just growing up and starting my own life. I am 22 & a half and I haven't figured out what I should be doing just yet. Unfortunately not everybody knows exactly what they want at my age, okay, it is normal. But I am your man if you want to live up a really fun adventure today and I am your man if you wanna laugh the nights away, but I am not just quite there yet, where I would settle down and devote my whole life to one job or be a grown up. I promise you it is not fun being in my place right now, but I am just so happy about the fact that for the first time ever in my life I don't know what I want and I don't even care enough to do anything about it. The thing that scares me the most is just doing one boring thing for the rest of my life.

Normally I am super organised and I take my planner everywhere I go and plan literally EVERYTHING and times like this would freak me out. And I would start annoying my roommate and I would start crying obsessively when watching movies and I would not be able to go to sleep normally. I have a pattern. But right now I just hope I get to travel with my dogs a lot and take super derpy photos and love as hard as possible and sleep under the stars and write as much as possible. And I know it is not a really real goal, but that is what I hope to do. I hope my boyfriend supports my craziness and thinks I am the best human in the world. That is what I want. So many dog cuddles I never go to sleep sad or worried. Having Orca puppies one day maybe. Because oh man it would be a shame not to have mini Orcas.

This blog post is all over the place, but ever since I got Orca she flipped my life upside down. She is just so amazing and all I want to do in life is always have dogs and always love Thor & Orca. And I just hope that one day I will get as lucky and share that love around in form of mini Orcas.

What I want and what I currently am is just a girl that runs away from most of things and lives her own version of perfect. Without worrying what I should post on Instagram to get likes, without planning perfect photos and writing on time schedule. Without worrying about due dates at school and thinking about how others see me. Without buying a new dress every other week and thinking how my words will hurt others. That was the old Eva. Call it selfish, but don't judge it before you try it. I've been told quite a lot about how to behave and how to do things and how what I am doing right now is not the right thing to do for my age and I am starting to think other people don't know life at all. X MY HEART I can't be controlled, will never be tamed. In the end its how I feel that matters. Truly. And if I am good at anything I am good at telling people to do crazy things RIGHT about NOW. Time is now. Not stopping for anybody. And what you make today will be history tomorrow. Quite a big thought if you think about it.

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