sreda, 05. december 2018

Watch me disappear without a trace

Sometimes I feel invincible, like I could walk the highest mountain and travel the world. I could write the most important piece of my life and take the best picture. Realising that I could actually be completely different person if I would only do one thing differently, it gives me this itchy feeling. I don't care about choices and how my life will turn out to be, don't get me wrong. I only care for living it as full and as fun as it is humanly possible. And I want to hike the highest mountain and travel the world. And I want to take the best picture everyday and write something really important. And most days I think I am.

If you asked me a month ago what I want to do with my life I would most likely say: "I want to move to some really cool country where beaches are long and winter feels like a chilly summer. With my computer, camera and my dogs. Blogging away the days." But if you asked me 5 days ago I'd say: "I really don't know. Maybe I don't want to do anything." If you ask me today I will say: "I really want to study more. Maybe Geology. So every day I can make rock jokes and laugh about the fact that I am not smart enough to be physicist or like scientist. Geology, man, real stuff." Don't ask where I get my ideas... I always have crazy ideas, it is who I am. A girl that lives for her dogs, speaks for captive orcas and wears her yellow rain coat every season of the year. Either you completely adore me or utterly hate me, nothing in between. 

So much happened and is still happening and I am really happy, but in moments like this, when I am the most productive and the most happy I can't find any words to describe a single thing. The thing is I am really freakishly good at disappearing. Turning invisible. Not talking and getting lost in life and obligations and inspiration and writing and taking photos. I get so happy that I don't have "time" to grow as a creator or as a blogger and influencer and photographer, because I get busy doing things that to me have more value at the time. It is a curse, really. 

No way you could ever ground me and make do only one thing in life. I admire people that can do one thing and be super successful, but that is just not me. I will never be like that. I will never have the most famous blog or the most famous dog or I will never sing the best and draw a masterpiece. I will be decent at everything, and I will forever be crazy and live wild and do something different than anyone else. Doing something that is NOT expected of me and do the opposite that my mom wishes for me to do. It is how I like it and how I want it. It makes me happy and when I look back at my life so far I have no regrets whatsoever. Zero.

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