sreda, 17. april 2019

CORNERSTONES

sreda, 17. april 2019

CORNERSTONES


All I wanted to do - I did. Did you?
I mentioned this before but I define the term absofuckinglutely.
When I was younger I used to play this game called Cap Ou Pas Cap with two other people and we took it really serious. Whenever somebody would chicken out from something the other one would dare them to do it and there was no other option but to do it or the game was forever off. It is how I broke my nose in front of 50 people and how I had the best night of my life and kissed boys I would never dare to kiss. I became the it 'fuck it' girl and did the craziest things because of a simple game. You are either Cap or Pas Cap. And I am Cap. That always stayed with me.
The greatest thing is that it possesses you and you become competitive and you keep looking at ways to dare to do things you would never actually dare to do. But as much as I always talk about this child's game, I would not recommend it to young people to play, just putting a disclaimer out there. Don't be like me boys and girls, you will either end up with a broken nose or a broken heart (oh man, that sounds so poetic).
When the dog gang was formed I was always there. I would sleep for an hour and then go and whenever anyone was missing, I was there. I would never say no and I would be freezing cold, dead tired, but I was always ready. That is me, never ever missing out on adventure or friends or crazy things we did.
That is really great, but I never built any stable cornerstones for myself and there was never one certain thing for me to go back to. I guess you could say I always knew I wanted to live like that. Never knew where I will be tomorrow or what the future brings. And it is funny because I always carry with me a beige notebook that has everything planed out for me, even for 20 years in advance and I like to look at it as a reminder of how crazy it all is because nothing is going according to my plans.

But if stable life is the price for the fact that I did everything I wanted, I don't mind.
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torek, 02. april 2019

Good girl, hood playlist

torek, 02. april 2019

Good girl, hood playlist


Salty hair and sandy ass in April. My life keeps changing drastically.

I've been dealing with evening pain for a few months, again, now that I am off the main meds and let me tell you - I've been miserable. The worst thing is that I talk to people with a straight face and tears would stream down my face without me actually crying. It is hard to explain why. But imagine plucking your nose hair out and a tear just streams down you face. That is me for the last few weeks. 

It has been hard, I am not gonna lie. But I think it is rewarding if it means I get to live life like normal people. And maybe one day have kids. NOT NOW MOM! Maybe one day when someone will want to make me their wife. NOT THAT I HAVE TO BE MARRIED MOM!

There is plenty of time for me to go down with this disease in the distance future, but not now. I even started living healthy. No white flour and no milk. I actually like it despite the fact that I love food and I don't want to miss out on any food ever, but it at least makes me feel a little better about the fact that I am doing something for myself. I am adding longer walks or rollerblading to Izola to my daily routine, now that Orca is not a little baby anymore and she can actually walk. 


I kinda got lost a little and just today I realised that I am such a basic good girl, but with a hood playlist. When I was walking my usual walk to FHŠ (my Uni) I saw a homeless man, who was minding his own business and was not rude at all and I was just about to pass him by when this old grandpa showed from no where and started harassing him and I told myself ''Evs, you got yourself into enough shit with this random stunts, walk it off, let it go...'' and you guessed it - I didn't walk it off. I swear I am such a good girl, but somewhere inside me there is a bad bitch hiding to come out for moments like that. And I know how this sounds, trust me, not my proudest moment but I went psycho on a 70 year old grandpa. If there is something I really can't stand is others being rude and seeing injustice. I am too old (soul haha - get it? Cuz I am a 22 year old with a disease for old people) for this.


Now as promised I am giving you my hood playlist. Actually its not even hood, it's just what I've been listening lately. That's why you are here, right?
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