sreda, 17. april 2019

CORNERSTONES


All I wanted to do - I did. Did you?
I mentioned this before but I define the term absofuckinglutely.
When I was younger I used to play this game called Cap Ou Pas Cap with two other people and we took it really serious. Whenever somebody would chicken out from something the other one would dare them to do it and there was no other option but to do it or the game was forever off. It is how I broke my nose in front of 50 people and how I had the best night of my life and kissed boys I would never dare to kiss. I became the it 'fuck it' girl and did the craziest things because of a simple game. You are either Cap or Pas Cap. And I am Cap. That always stayed with me.
The greatest thing is that it possesses you and you become competitive and you keep looking at ways to dare to do things you would never actually dare to do. But as much as I always talk about this child's game, I would not recommend it to young people to play, just putting a disclaimer out there. Don't be like me boys and girls, you will either end up with a broken nose or a broken heart (oh man, that sounds so poetic).
When the dog gang was formed I was always there. I would sleep for an hour and then go and whenever anyone was missing, I was there. I would never say no and I would be freezing cold, dead tired, but I was always ready. That is me, never ever missing out on adventure or friends or crazy things we did.
That is really great, but I never built any stable cornerstones for myself and there was never one certain thing for me to go back to. I guess you could say I always knew I wanted to live like that. Never knew where I will be tomorrow or what the future brings. And it is funny because I always carry with me a beige notebook that has everything planed out for me, even for 20 years in advance and I like to look at it as a reminder of how crazy it all is because nothing is going according to my plans.

But if stable life is the price for the fact that I did everything I wanted, I don't mind.

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