sreda, 04. december 2019

It means a great deal to me.

For such a long time I was obsessing to create something that means something to someone and now I realised I should be chasing the idea to create something that means something to me.

If you search my blog and type in 'means something to someone' you will find that I was obsessing over this idea since 2013. That's more than 7 years. We go way back. I was chasing something that was not there and I tried so hard to create that perfect photo and write that perfect sentence and I cried while editing videos all night long. My way of creating was making me work hard, but mostly it made me miserable. And as soon as I showed someone what I did, it was never enough; I always had to top that. In some way it seems like an addiction. Whenever I felt something, I needed more and more and it never felt like I really felt something, but I couldn't stop.

When I needed a push in the right direction, I got a bulldozer, who ran me over and told me that I will never be enough and that I don't have what it takes to serve the people. I pushed it down, but I always knew it was there. It was always there, so I could doubt myself and work harder. When I went to college I never listened to lectures anymore, I had to edit for something I wasn't even proud of.

Then one day, after two hours of me editing a single photo, I asked someone what they think of it. Long story short I was really proud of my picture and they downgraded my work, which, for the first time, it felt fine to me. And I started creating things that meant something to me.

So, what am I doing right now? I am thriving. My work is thriving. Not always in everyone's eyes, but definitely I've grown in my eyes. That doesn't mean I am there yet, but I am somewhere I like being. I am definitely there with the dogs. I am the definition of a perfect dog servant. Goals, if you ask me.

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